On Shaving

Shaving has become a bit of a contentious issue regarding feminism, or maybe it was always one, but as someone relatively new to being an active feminist and having active femmo friends, it’s something I’ve only been aware of in the last few years.

There are a number of sides to the argument. The most vocal side, at least in the media, is the patriarchal side, which dictates that women* who don’t shave/wax their pits/legs/vahjayjay are gross, disgusting and *horror of horrors* not ‘feminine’ enough. This idea has been ingrained into our society largely through the media. We’re told that shaving is more hygienic, and yet this seems to only hold for women*. Apparently men*’s pits/legs/pubic area are just dandy when they’re hairy, but if those bits belong to a woman* - woah, totes unhygienic. In ads, shaving our legs is shown to be a terribly sensual, sexy, not-at-all awkward experience, which involves tanned, skinny ladies showing off the amazing blades of the razor by shaving their hairless legs. I’d be way more impressed by Venus’ razors if they showed off their shaving skills on a massively hairy leg.

J-Lo, you are dry shaving a hairless leg, that is just gonna irritate your skin

The (somewhat) polar opposite of this is the stereotypical bra-burning feminist notion of not shaving at all, of being a ‘wild woman’.  Or the slightly less straw feminist notion of choosing not to shave and as such, flying in the face of the patriarchy and saying a massive ‘fuck you’ to ridiculous western beauty standards. Until maybe a year ago, I didn’t know anyone like this. Now I know loads, and it’s no longer a big deal to me.

I, however, fall somewhere in between these two ways of thinking. I haven’t shaved my legs in like a week and ‘No Shave November’ effectively lasts all winter for me because tights and jeans and jumpers are all that’s worn, so feck it. But I get bikini waxes when I can afford them (because what’s more fun than lying feet together, knees apart, naked from the waist down as a stranger puts hot wax on your vulva??) and I do shave my pits if I’m wearing a short sleeve top/dress.

I know that I’m a feminist, and yet I feel like because I shave/wax, I’m a fauxminist sometimes. I buy into the idea that I *should* shave, because ‘that’s what women* do’. But I also feel like I’m doing it for me. Shaving my legs (like properly shaving them, not that quick kind you do for 30 seconds in the shower when you end up nicking yourself) is like pampering for me. I’ll have a stupidly-bubbly bubble bath and do a face mask and all that jazz and make my legs feel fab (which then prompts me to run into my sister’s room in my towel yelling ‘FEEL MY LEGS, THEY’RE SO SMOOOOOOTTHHH, FEEL THEM!!!’). I don’t have or wax for anyone but myself, for the most part. While I know full well I probably feel better about myself because that’s what society deems ‘beautiful’, at the same time, I’m not perfectly groomed 24/7 and anyone, particularly guys, who has a problem with that can go fuck themselves. It would be an instant turn off for a guy to say to me that I was only sexy if my legs were shaved and my vahjayjay waxed.

What it comes down to is choice. I choose to shave sometimes, and others choose to shave every day or not at all. We shouldn’t judge people for what they do with their bodies, even if it is as a result of patriarchal expectations of women*. I wish I could go out in shorts not giving a fuck about whether or not my legs were shaved. But I feel 100 times more confident when they are. That doesn’t make me a bad feminist, it makes me human. 

On Periods

Periods are one of those things which everyone knows about, but nobody ever mentions. We need to examine the way we talk and think about periods, but also the way the media deals with them. These are often at odds with each other, as it’s fairly safe to say that when people who menstruate think of their period it rarely involves images of pretty panties, wearing only white clothes and doing excessive amounts of dancing and rollerblading. And for those of you whose lives are straight out of a tampax ad, I envy you.

Because bending like that is great craic until the cramps set in…

The media seems so opposed to dealing with periods, that if you knew nothing about menstruation, you would assume it has something to do with peeing blue liquid onto a pad. The word ‘blood’ is never mentioned, despite that being pretty much what a period is. We seem to be obsessed with maintaining this idea that women* are lovely little clean, delicate creatures and our uterus’ don’t completely shed every few weeks. Sorry to burst your bubble, but despite the fact that I’m assured we only lose a few teaspoons of blood each menses, it sure doesn’t seem that way.

On the topic of pads and tampons, why are they heralded as our only two options? Bleached chemical-y pieces of cotton that you put up your vagina or that make you feel like you’re wearing a nappy. How can every period be a happy period when you risk death through toxic shock syndrome just so you can wear your lacy panties and white shorts?? And why are they so expensive? The average person will have around 400 periods in their lifetime (taking into account 3 pregnancies and about 9 months of breastfed induced amenorah – so really, there could be a lot more than 400…), and yet we have to pay stupid amounts of money just to be able to not bleed on everything. This cost isn’t taking into account the copious amounts of chocolate and wine necessary to deal with PMS and your period. It’s a tough aul life…

We’re conditioned to think periods are dirty or wrong. We’re told it isn’t polite to talk about them, yet they’re constantly used against us in arguments. I don’t think I know a single woman* who hasn’t heard a variation of the phrase ‘you seem angry/upset, you must be on your period’. Because sure, we couldn’t possibly have opinions and feelings about things unless we’re shedding our uterine lining, how could I have forgotten… But while it’s totally acceptable for others (usually guys) to berate us about being on our period and therefore complete harpies, it’s not OK for us to talk about them. Even the word itself is practically considered a swear word and can get you into all sorts of trouble. Recently, duting a radio discussion about abortion in Ireland, a friend of mine made the comparison between a medical abortion and a heavy period. This was a perfectly accurate comparison, and yet all hell seemed to break loose. The man she was arguing with at the time nearly had a stroke and was giving out to her for using such filthy language. Because sure there’s no link at all between periods and reproductive health, she was just being ‘proof of eve’ as Mister Man put it.

Periods suck. I’m not a fan. Zero stars, would not recommend. I got my first period a few weeks before my 12th birthday and a few hours before I was meant to be on stage for a play I was in. My mum was delighted and gave me a big hug. I was already pissed off by it, having had all of 10 minutes experience of it. Ten years later and I’ve learned my periods were more than just annoying, their irregularity was a sign of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, which basically means my hormones are all over the shop and my ovaries get confused when they try to ovulate. I have special snowflake ovaries. The pill saved me from massively painful and horrible periods, and now I only have to deal with them 4 or 5 times a year. If it wasn’t for my special snowflake ovaries needing the hormone regulation of the combination pill, I’d have the implant or an IUD and no periods at all (that’s the dream).

So yeah, periods are awful. They rarely, if ever, make you want to wear white trousers and smile like an idiot. But the way we discuss them needs a serious upheaval. My period may not be something I look forward to, but it is not dirty or wrong.

On Asterisks and Acronyms

Bit of an informational post for those who don’t know - Due to basically living on tumblr, I tend to type asterisks after gender identities, such as women*, men*, etc.

This basically means people who identify as a woman, or as a man. The way we use language is rarely trans* friendly, and so it can be alienating to not be included.

For me, the asterisk is basically a footnote, so when I write ‘women*’ I’m adding ‘not all women have vaginas and not all people with vaginas are women’, and vice versa for men. I feel that this is important to note, particularly as my first blog will be about periods. Not all people who menstruate are women and not all women menstruate.

While we’re on the topic of trans* inclusivity, the following, in alphabetical order, are phrases that I’ll probably use a good bit:

- Cis(gendered) – 100% alignment between your gender (the way you see yourself) and your biological sex (nearly always based on genitalia at birth). I’m shying away from this a good bit now as many in the trans* community have issues with ‘cis’ being associated with ‘normal’. 

-DMAB – designated male at birth

-DFAB – designated female at birth

-LGBTQAI* stands for Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, the Trans* community, Queers, Asexuals, Intersexuals and then the * is basically or any mix thereof. The reason it’s become a longer acronym is due being more inclusive and representational.

-MRA – Men’s Rights Activist, those who cry ‘what about the menz??’ and use phrases like ‘feminazi’. See also: scum of the earth.

-POC/WOC – people of colour/women of colour

-QUILTBAG - stands for Queer/Questioning, Undecided, Intersex, Lesbian, Trans*, Bisexual, Asexual, Gay. A more pronounceable version LGBTQAI*

A final note, I’m not perfect. I’m a white DFAB for-the-most-part-heterosexual woman. As such, I am aware that I’m coming to a lot of issues from a privileged point of view. I will try my very best to be inclusive and not an asshole, but please, if I fuck up, call me out on my shit. Unless, you’re a butthurt MRA or an anti-choicer, then you can fuck right off <3